Back to Myself

11 Jan

I have had many people ask about what I hope to get out this procedure. Many are concerned about if things don’t work and I am not completely without pain. How will I take that out come? That is not my goal. The pain I have to deal with is flat out no fun. The drugs and prescriptions have their effect. Like I said before, only recently have I become to gain a better understanding how they effect me. They do change me. I am different with my pain meds in me. Which leaves me of have to decide on being screwed up on drugs and somewhat productive for a solid 4 hours. So, there is no question I would love to be pain free. I almost can’t imagine such a thing.

This past year the pain has dominated my life. Having that freedom from worrying and struggling with the weight of dealing with a body that doesn’t feel good would be the greatest gift of all time. As this procedure is a few days before my birthday. To be free of all these drugs. If I am not getting hopped up on drugs I am coming off them, and soon right back at them to get me to sleep.

What I want. I want to be free of the meds. If I am left with some kind of pain, perhaps a discomfort. I could care less. And, my need for the meds are no longer? I can go back to being myself. In may ways, back to myself before all this started. I just want to be back to the person that is not affected by drugs. There just might be that chance as from time to time I feel as if I don’t need drugs. This past year that hasn’t happened often, but I do remember the feeling like I am who I am.

What I want, and am hoping for is the opportunity to get off these drugs so I can be who I am. Do what I can do. Find my place. The meds and pain that are apart of my life are hard, and life is hard enough as it is. If I could have just on weight lessened on my life I know I can find my place. That is what I want.

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Posted by on January 11, 2011 in Previous Posts


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