Life has been slow and quiet. I have been home a lot. Trying to stay busy. I have started to push, with my basketball chair, up and around the mall. It is still pretty tough, but a great way to get out and get some sunshine. I am typically beat for the rest of the day afterwards, but worth it. Other than that not much. I have been visiting Kate as much as I can. The rhythm of my life seems to be wake up, take my drugs, and hopefully by noon or 2ish I feel good enough to get out.
It has been a tough winter for me. The pain I get has gotten more difficult, but on the good side I seem to be getting more and more return. It is still pretty minimal return, but from where I was 6 months ago it is significant. the rate at which I seem to be “improving” appears to be speeding up. I really don’t know what to think. I am hopeful I will continue down this path, but there are no guarantees of any return. So, I really have been doing a lot. The pain really has taken the drive to work out of me this past few months. I have really lost a lot of drive. I do understand that is not a good thing, or something I would do. But, the reality unless my pain becomes more tolerable I am not in a place where I can be dependable, work is apart of that. To be honest it is not usual thing for me. I, would like the think, that I have always been working towards something. Always had a plan. Not today. I have realized that is a phase of my life and I just need to put my head down and keep pushing through this phase. I do know this phase of my life is temporary and will pass, I just need to keep remembering that.
On a pain note. I am trying to see a doctor that will put a stim machine in my spinal canal to reduce the pain I have. I once before attempted to do this, but the doctor was nervous about it and wouldn’t do it. I am, this time, going to Anchutz to see a doctor. I am hopeful once the ball gets rolling I will have a good chance for this to work. I say that because with all this return I am getting it is promising that it may work, based on the conversation I had with the previous doctor. As I know more I will share.
So, I just continue to plugging along, and hopeful this year will turn out to be a good one. I feel it in my gut. I now listen to my gut. So, be prepared for a great 2010.