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Acceptance….

19 Dec

Last week I passed the three year mark since my injury. It is baffling how fast life seems to be moving along. It feels like it has been a lifetime since my first few months after the injury, but at the same time I feel as if I am in this odd space time continuum thing. Even though it has been three years, I feel like I am still very much in the same place I was in the first year. And, yes I have accomplished many things since, but I still feel lost. I was asked recently, “where do I want to be when I am 42?” The reality is I don’t where I want to be at 33. The reality is that have no real clue as to becoming relevant again. I am in a bit of a place where I am lost. I have tried to get a job, and actually got a few interviews. I came up empty, some were for good reasons. I have made an attempt to start a business venture. I have tried a lot of things. And, unfortunately came up empty. So, I finally realized I need to take a step back and really look at my new playing field. Since the accident I have fought to get my “life” back without looking up to see the new playing field. That fighting spirit was good. It was what I needed to do. But, I really think now I need to look up and stop fighting. Let life happen for a while. I am focusing on getting little successes, and hopefully move up to larger successes. building on each little success. So, all that being said, the reality I really can’t do a full time job, because of the pain I have to deal with. I do have good days. But, I don’t have enough to be dependable to an employer. It is just not in the cards right now. I needed to find that acceptance. I needed to accept my limitations. And when I fully accepted my reality, I felt the heavy burden of the last three years fall off my shoulders. I was carrying the weight of everything, and I needed to let it all go. Start fresh. I don’t know where my life will lead me over the next few week, months, and even years, but to get there I need to start with one success and build on that. Acceptance….life has a new direction. A new path. I need to walk this path, not the old path. If I don’t, I will stumble. I have accepted this new path. And, acceptance is the last stage of grief, but I know I will always have to cope with this injury. And, that is the true acceptance: I will always be have to learn to cope with this injury.
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2 Comments

Posted by on December 19, 2009 in Previous Posts

 

2 responses to “Acceptance….

  1. Dallal

    December 20, 2009 at 4:38 am

    2010 is your year xxx

     

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