I am happy to say goodbye to 2007. As you can imagine this past year was difficult. This time last year I was effectively a new born. Now…I am adult. I guess at least. I previously wrote about even with this injury I am still who I am. However, I am not completely who I was last year. I am still trying to find out who I am with this new situation. I am working to be someone. I think that is why I am considering piercing my ears. It is a part of finding who I am now. I guess the best why I can explain where I am is by using a analogy. This time last year the my house fell apart and I am rebuilding it again. The foundation is still there. Many of the walls are there. But, now I am adding new walls. Painting walls a new color. I am adding a new flooring. I think you know what I am try to say. That is me right now. Adding this, changing that…etc.
Looking at this last year I searched for hope. This past summer I was a person that had no hope in the world. I was not happy. So, in desperation I moved to Texas in hopes of walking again. Even though It was not was something that would get me out of this chair. I am still glad I made that move. I had some issues to get through. I needed to go out alone and find out what I could do and not do. I really was happy meeting new people and doing new things. But, my time was done and I am happy to be back in Colorado. I have hope again. I have dreams again. At times I didn’t know if would find hope again. I think it was going to happen. I don’t believe that I’m the kind a of person that gives up, but I wasn’t sure.
As I move forward I have decided to let go of what was. I lost a lot after my injury. I lost my hiking, backpacking, cycling, camping. And of course, I lost a partner I had for a long time. I lost someone that was so much of part of my life. It was hard losing Erika. Our lives were so intertangled with each other. We knew each other more that we knew ourselves. But, that is gone. We have not spoken since I first returned to Colorado. It was my decision to cut contact with each other. I had to move forward. I had to move on from her. She had to move on from me. Our lives are apart and no longer together. That was hard to do, but I had to do it. I will always be greatfull for what she did for me after I left Craig. She did so much for me. But, I have to let her go for me to look forward not backward. As far as finding a partner again I don’t know what to expect, but if it is suppose to happen it will happen. Until then I am working to get in to grad school and working a little. I am busy doing my own thing and if something comes up great. If not, I am happy do my thing. As the wise mother of Forest Gump said; “Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.”
At the end, I don’t really know what happened this past year. It was full of heartbreak, frustration and anger. However, this upcoming year is full of hope, growing and happiness. I can’t wait for this year. It is going to be good, as it can’t be any worse that last year.
Have a great 2008. I know I will.