Destiny and Hope

12 Jul

Destiny? Is it that really such a thing? Is destiny a something that is apart of how we we are. Do you believe that the directdion of your life was your destiny? If so…what is my destiny? Why could I have have been on the verge of greatness and lost it all in a matter of seconds? It this injury my destiny. Is the fact that Erika and I weren’t meant to be, is that destiny. Do I have greater things in my life and that is my destiny? When this nightmare is over what will my destiny be? Where is my place in life. Am I just destine to be what I am today. Am I destine to show modern medical science that SCI is more than they will ever understand. I want ot know my destiny! Before this injury I loved what life was instore for me. I made a number of moves in my life, was that my destiny. I don’t know what my destiny right now and that makes this time so difficult. I don’t know what my life will hold. Or, is life a consequence of my decisions. Someone said that my destiny might be the sacrifical lamb for those who read this blog. My destiny is to show others how important life is. My struggles is to show others that life is precious. I really don’t know. I wish I would, but I don’t. I guess I just have to live, Maybe my destiny is to struggle through life. My destiny is to be an insperation to others….if so, I don’t want that responsibility. I want a life of happiness. I want the life of those I see around me and I see true fulliment in theirs. I just want the happiness I had before my accident. I want happiness. I don’t have that and I hope my destiny will give me that. I hope I will walk again. I hope for something better that I have right now. Although, my life can’t get much worse. I have been on the bottom and it is not any fun or tolorable. I guess all I have is hope right now. Well, I have support of close family and friends, and those friends that are family. I wish I had that support group with me right now, but I need to go to Texas. I wish I could explain why I feel the need to go to Texas, but my gut is telling me that is where I need to be…my destiny?

Destiny…What does that F@#k mean? I hope my destiny will lead me to a better place. Untill then, all I have is my past. And that is what I cannot live by my past. All I have is my future…my destiny.

On a more positive note…I worked with this chiropractor today and I couldn’t tell you how good I felt afterwords. During this session I felt things I should not have. I felt like a million dollars. I have not felt like this since my accident. It was awesome. I am going again. It just felt too great. No matter what you think….it felt good and I think I deserve feeling great. And I will never forget the feeling I had afterwords. I want to have that feeling again.

I realize that is post might not be the more positive, but it is what it is. I am man that is at the bottom. I have nothing to lose right now. I might as well go for it.

I am scared. I am nervous. I am not sure about my future. This is first time in my life that I have had these feelings. Before I went to a place I was excited about my journey, now I am scared. I am not ashamed of this, as it is the truth.



Posted by on July 12, 2007 in Previous Posts


5 responses to “Destiny and Hope

  1. John and Juli Begley

    July 12, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    No one can identify your destiny just as you can not help me with mine. I have SLE….what is my destiny? I choose to go to school and get a bachelors degree in nursing. I choose my destiny just as you are capable of doing. Determine your own “destiny”and work toward who you want to be and what you want to do.

  2. Mel Benedict

    July 12, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    you sure got real CHATTY lately…see you sunday

  3. Dominic Lovely

    July 13, 2007 at 10:10 am

    At the risk of sounding un sympathetic, I am sure we all ask ourselves the same question….I do daily. reflection is important and keep in mind that we all only have our past. Regardless of what happens in the future, or what your destiny holds, it will be what you make of it. It’s a struggle to find the silver lining sometimes. I was sure the world was out to get me this morning when my car broke down on the way to work, I was pissed and was sure my day was trashed. Then just as my car was sputtering to a stop, a service station appeared on the corner (on a route I usually don’t follow to work). While it sucked that I was detoured, the situation could have been worse. Sure it could have been better. In it’s own way, life was testing my patience. I passed today.
    “The sun will rise tomorrow”.

    While I won’t even pretend to fully understand your struggles. and I know you don’t want the responsibility of providing inspiration. You have always and will always be a source of inspiration to others. I seem to remember a neighbor of mine inspiring me to step on a snowboard for the first time. Thanks for changing my life Joel!

  4. matt

    July 13, 2007 at 10:33 am

    Quite the Ponderance. Dont know if thats a word but it sounds good.
    We will never know if there is a master plan until the end so regardless, I think its what you make it. You are doin pretty damn good my friend and makin it happen. Keep on Keepin’ on.
    Why don’t you see what the ol’ honda can do on the way to Texas. I bet those little asian squirrels under the hood can get you to about 85-90!
    Take er easy,


  5. cuz paul

    July 13, 2007 at 12:31 pm

    A man approached the Buddha and wanted to have all his philosophical questions answered before he would practice.

    In response, the Buddha said, “It is as if a man had been wounded by a poisoned arrow and when attended to by a physician were to say, ‘I will not allow you to remove this arrow until I have learned the caste, the age, the occupation, the birthplace, and the motivation of the person who wounded me.’ That man would die before having learned all this. In exactly the same way, anyone who should say, ‘I will not follow the teaching of the Buddha until the Buddha has explained all the multiform truths of the world’ – that person would die before the Buddha had explained all this.”


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