Destiny? Is it that really such a thing? Is destiny a something that is apart of how we we are. Do you believe that the directdion of your life was your destiny? If so…what is my destiny? Why could I have have been on the verge of greatness and lost it all in a matter of seconds? It this injury my destiny. Is the fact that Erika and I weren’t meant to be, is that destiny. Do I have greater things in my life and that is my destiny? When this nightmare is over what will my destiny be? Where is my place in life. Am I just destine to be what I am today. Am I destine to show modern medical science that SCI is more than they will ever understand. I want ot know my destiny! Before this injury I loved what life was instore for me. I made a number of moves in my life, was that my destiny. I don’t know what my destiny right now and that makes this time so difficult. I don’t know what my life will hold. Or, is life a consequence of my decisions. Someone said that my destiny might be the sacrifical lamb for those who read this blog. My destiny is to show others how important life is. My struggles is to show others that life is precious. I really don’t know. I wish I would, but I don’t. I guess I just have to live, Maybe my destiny is to struggle through life. My destiny is to be an insperation to others….if so, I don’t want that responsibility. I want a life of happiness. I want the life of those I see around me and I see true fulliment in theirs. I just want the happiness I had before my accident. I want happiness. I don’t have that and I hope my destiny will give me that. I hope I will walk again. I hope for something better that I have right now. Although, my life can’t get much worse. I have been on the bottom and it is not any fun or tolorable. I guess all I have is hope right now. Well, I have support of close family and friends, and those friends that are family. I wish I had that support group with me right now, but I need to go to Texas. I wish I could explain why I feel the need to go to Texas, but my gut is telling me that is where I need to be…my destiny?
Destiny…What does that F@#k mean? I hope my destiny will lead me to a better place. Untill then, all I have is my past. And that is what I cannot live by my past. All I have is my future…my destiny.
On a more positive note…I worked with this chiropractor today and I couldn’t tell you how good I felt afterwords. During this session I felt things I should not have. I felt like a million dollars. I have not felt like this since my accident. It was awesome. I am going again. It just felt too great. No matter what you think….it felt good and I think I deserve feeling great. And I will never forget the feeling I had afterwords. I want to have that feeling again.
I realize that is post might not be the more positive, but it is what it is. I am man that is at the bottom. I have nothing to lose right now. I might as well go for it.
I am scared. I am nervous. I am not sure about my future. This is first time in my life that I have had these feelings. Before I went to a place I was excited about my journey, now I am scared. I am not ashamed of this, as it is the truth.
WHAT IS MY DESTINY?