I have written a lot of my experiences since the catastrophice accident I had almost 7 months ago. As I sit here tonight I look back at the last week and I think I wasn’t the strong man I have been. I have been a man that has felt sorry for myself. I have been a man that is lost in the chaos of what happenned. My life was turned up-side-down.
I once was a man that knew what is was to be a man. As I deal with the change I have slowly evolved my perspective of what a man is… I always understood my father was what a man was. Over the last week I have had a new change of perspective. To be a man is to be….strong mentally, not phyisically. That what has created internal challenges within me. I need to be strong inside, not outside. Making this change in perspecitve has not been a easy change. I really wish I could be a man that had this change and moved on with what I need to do. I haven’t. I have spent too much time feeling sorry for myself. Many of you have been there for you when I needed to someone to talk to, or distract me. I am proud nor ashamed in the my downturn in my spirits. The reality is that we all can’t be as strong as we want when hardtimes hit us. It is hard to admit that we are faulible. Just like my weekend….when things are diffucilt and you don’t know what to do; doing something to get you away from the hard times is a good idea. By getting away from the hardships you can comeback with a fresh perspective. Second, no one is perfect. We all have times when we are lost and don’t know what to do. And it is the support group around us that is going to get out of the slump. It is that support group that knows you best. It is that support group that know what to say to you. It is that support group that see you for the strengh you have.
I have said a number of times that I lost everything after the accident, but I didn’t. I still have the support group around me helping me back up. Sometimes it is just as easily for a friend to just listen, just that easy.
There have been a couple people that I have confide in when I was at my lowest. I want to thank you for your unconditional support, love, and ears. I will be always indebted to you. I hope I can continue to confide in you in the future.
I really don’t know why I wrote what I wrote, but I know it had to be said. I had to realize that I can have my downturns, but I have a awesome support group that can lift me up and listen to me. We all can be that to someone. Sometimes that is all a person in a downturn needs…a ear.
I am on the verge of another huge change in my life. I am confident that I will walk again. I will admitt I am scared of won’t happen. I am scared to leave what I have here in Arizona. I am scared to rebuild my life again. I am scared of giving up. I am scared of I won’t ever have has much I did again.
I have said this to a couple of people…I am just too dumb give up on myself. I have always been proud of my persistance. I will conitune to have the persistance. I will rise again.
This just had to be said.