I know I have not written in two weeks. I appologize. I know I wrote about how strong my mind was. But, yesterday I was not that strong man. It has become really hot here in Phoenix, so I spent the day inside. Unfoutunately, that only made my mind race. I really was going crazy. I couldn’t stop thinking about what was, and how good it could have become. It was hard. I will admit I didn’t make the best decision though. I poured myself a drink and before I knew I was really drunk. I felt so sorry for myself. I didn’t know what to do.
After realizing I was intoxicated pretty well I went to bed. After getting into bed Erika called and at which point the flood gates opened up. I will admit I cried, but I really sobbed. I was drunk and sad. I couldn’t control myself. I laid there and I wanted my life back so much. I wanted what I had so bad. I was devistated. Maybe it was good for me to let it out. Last night was as low as I have been in a very long time, if it was not the lowest. It sucks.
So, mom is coming here to spend some time with me. It should be good. We are going to talk about what I want to do. Where do I go from here. Having her here will help a lot.
I know this is not a postive post, but it was the truth. I have to be honest with myself and you. Hopefully this is the bottom, because if I go lower I am in for some hard times.