08 Apr

I want to talk about something that has been on my mind for sometime. I wasn’t sure how to address these thoughts, but it is something that I find important as I slowly rebuild my life. I want to talk about intimacy. Let me make this clear; I’m talking about emotional intimacy. This is something that has had a huge impact as a result of my injury.

I know how Erika and I found this emotional intimacy in the past. We would hike a mountain and sit at the top and enjoy the view as I gave Erika a big kiss on her sweaty forehead. Simply walking down the street and holding each other hands. Getting a great big hug when getting home after a long day at work. Getting on our bikes and chasing each other as we ride through the ASU campus and finishing the ride with a couple of beers and good conversation at our favorite brewery; Four Peaks. Sitting on the couch and sharing a bottle of wine and talking about our days and or anything else that may come to our minds. Backpacking seven miles up a mountain and sharing the last sunset of the year as the sky lights up in this bright pink and orange, I wish I could describe the awe of the sunset we watched a little over a year ago. All these activities gave us the feeling of being connected to each other.

I want to describe what I see as emotional intimacy. It is the spark you share with your partner. As you share the same space you can feel the electricity from the other person. It is the same feeling as the moment you first laid eyes on the other person. It is the same as feeling you partner’s energy. It is the feeling the differentiates a friend and someone you are in love with. I could go on forever trying to describe this feeling because you know what I am talking about.

This intimacy I have gone on about is something that we are searching for. Like everything else in my life I have to find new ways to do just about everything and our emotional intimacy is included. It is such a great feeling. I am not sure what it is going to take to find the things that give us the intimacy we desire. Just like my passions in life we need to all new ways to feel connected to each other.

I don’t have any recommendations for you, but I would take the time and enjoy those things that let you feel connected with your partner. I would say that feeling of intimacy is one of the best.


Posted by on April 8, 2007 in Previous Posts


6 responses to “Intimacy…

  1. Matt

    April 9, 2007 at 6:54 am

    You make a very valid point. When you sit back and think about the most important things in your life, that intimacy is crucial. The fact that we have that intimacy at all is something to be thankful for. It was cool hoppin on today and seeing a couple new posts from the weekend!!! Congrats on the benjamin’ of posts, look forward to all of the ones to come!

  2. Bryan Yates

    April 9, 2007 at 10:07 am

    Who in their relationships, past and present don’t go through intimicy problems. From the just beginning when it’ s awkward but fun to when your feeling comfortable and you get into a routine, maybe even a rut.
    They only thing I can offer is to change things up. Things have been changed for you so you have to change things up even more. Try new dates in new places, each of you come up with a new date, think outside the box. Jessica and I have defiantely had to change things up ever since the little girl came along.

  3. Brian Dietzen

    April 9, 2007 at 10:09 am

    As I’m waiting on my first child to be born any day now, emotional intimacy has been consuming my mind as well. It’s good to think of these things as often as possible. It’s powerful and awesome. I’m glad you’ve found it Joel, cause it really is a gift. Congrats on your 101st post!!!

  4. Ross & Amber

    April 9, 2007 at 10:19 am

    Congrats on the posts! I love reading them! I hear ya on the intimacy thing. I think most relationships struggle through those times. Everyone’s experience is unique and its tough to give or receive advice. As long as you are committed in finding it again…you will. Life is about experimentation and finding what fits. You’ll find it!!

    How is the car search? Ross just got back from training if you still want his help! He’ll call you this week!
    Love you!!

  5. John and Juli Begley

    April 9, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    Emotional Intimacy…wow, that is one that you have to discover as a couple. It is the ability to feel comfortable not to say that you don’t have your ups and downs…you do. As most over 40 ish will tell you…it comes with age. The sexual drive isn’t there as much (or at all) and you find fun things to share just like you and Erika do. Keep on doing those types of outings. Nothing prohibits you from kissing her on her sweaty forehead after the two of you have gone on a hike. There is no secret, about love being a dynamic process between two individuals. Alterations in a relationship come in different variations. Jess and Bryan had their “alteration”, The Dietzen family and their “changes” etc…
    Joel, you and Erika have a special bond. Just grow with that and remember that the best part isn’t just getting there, but finding the way there.

  6. Dominic Lovely

    April 9, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    Erin and I try to eat dinner together every night (with place mats and “real” napkins). Sounds kind of silly and we can’t always make it work with our ever changing scheduals, but we’ve found it to be a great way to stay connected. We seem to have revieved a lot of napkins for our wedding as well so it’s really a double whammy 🙂 I think the place mats and napkins add a level of formality that seems to make it just a little special as well.

    Thats just one of the things we like to do, give it a shot if you don’t allready.



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