21 Mar

I spent sometime at Erika’s last night. I got suckered into American Idol. I am not going to lie. I am not a fan. But as I was sitting there getting tired of Simon I thought of getting up and going to bed. And that when it hit me. The day I lost my passions in life I lost my home. The place I once called home is no longer mine. the place with so many memories is no longer mine. It has hope, love, and dreams. I live in a place that is stale, drab and lifeless. I live in a place that has no feeling or memories in it. Erika’s place was my home. Unfortunately, due to new changes in my life I couldn’t return to my home. And on my way back to the place I sleep my heart broke. Realizing I lost my home was one of the most difficult realizations I have had to face.

Home is the place that we come together and share in each other’s lives. Home is sharing in each other’s triumphs and downfalls. Home is the place full of memories of our past. Home is where we sit around together late at night talking politics and better times. Home has nothing to do with a building with four walls and a roof. But, the holes in the those walls make it home. I dream someday of living in a place I call home.

Today was a busy day. I was on the phone trying to get a new bike. I was on the phone with insurance. I was on the phone getting a plane reservation to Boston. So, when I finished what I needed to get done today I went and had myself a beer on Mill Ave. The sun was setting on a day I won. Tomorrow the sun will come back up and I will have to fight the good fight again.

So, for those that don’t know I get a lot of pain from legs. I really can’t describe it but it can really hurt from time to time. It drives me nuts sometimes. So, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. When the sun goes down I am going to somke pot to help dull the pain from legs. I have to do something. It just hurts to much sometimes. Even the slightest break from the pain will be nice. Medical Weed….right on.

Have a great Thursday. The sun has come up today…so make it a good one.


Posted by on March 21, 2007 in Previous Posts


10 responses to “Home

  1. Matt

    March 22, 2007 at 5:33 am

    Home is where the heart is right?? Great to hear you had a good day!! You have helped me realize the meaninglessness of a boss yelling at you or dealing with a crappy co-worker, in the big picture those things a minute in nature. Many other things in life are far more important and rewarding, like family and friends. Keep winnin everyday buddy.

  2. Matthew Unger

    March 22, 2007 at 6:38 am


    i’m sure with Erika’s support that you will work through this, and your heart will once again find it’s place at home. Sometimes it can jsut take a little time, but I know you’ve got the strength to do it.

    Well pain might not be a good thing, to an extent, the feeling of pain is a good thing, to know you can feel it.

    hope you get better soon and are back to doing the things you love.

  3. Bill Wilhelm

    March 22, 2007 at 6:46 am

    Sometimes you’ve just got to embrace the pain – in your present situation the emotional pain of a home changed. Then move forward. Sounds like you are doing that. It must be somewhat cathartic to share your pain with others through your writing. We do share it with you, Joel, and you are in our prayers to find peace and strength. You will, my friend. You will.


  4. cuz paul

    March 22, 2007 at 9:56 am

    Hello! Your post took an interesting little twist there at the end. If you want, I can send you some Marley records too. Do what you gotta do bro.

    One Love,

  5. Peter Scanlon

    March 22, 2007 at 10:36 am


    “The sun was setting on a day I won. Tomorrow the sun will come back up and I will have to fight the good fight again.”

    Damn straight. Don’t forget we’re all with you, and will be here when you need us.



    March 22, 2007 at 10:55 am

    Have a good day its almost noon here in sunny Colorado.Sounds like your settleing in a bit.And yes the beat does go on and on and on. At least your in the beat of life,as you approch all the hard things just think of the things that make Joel happy .Maybe even make a list just add to your list when ever.REMBER MOST OF ALL YOU ARE LOVED ! ! ! ! ! ! N & S….

  7. Lee Bentz

    March 22, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    Joel: Our hearts are with you – and there isn’t one Crestview Queen who wouldn’t, in a heartbeat, take on what you are going through if it meant less pain for you. Love, Lee


    March 23, 2007 at 9:27 am

    Good Morning Arizona********** susan and i went out with your mon last night I am shure you know what a special person that she is.Sounds like you have a special weekend coming up roadtrip definately a new adventure.CARRY ON MY FRIEND……. N & S…

  9. Dan Zatkovich

    March 23, 2007 at 11:55 am

    we’re hanging out all weekend watching hoops and drinking brews. (well, im drinking vodka sodas, but whatever). if you get bored smoking your medicinal pot, throw me a text


  10. Uncle George and Aunt Elna

    March 23, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    Joel…You are encountering a new environment with new challenges, and it is throwing you off a little. We know you, and we know you will fight the good fight and win! As far as finding new passions, how about writing? It’s unbelievable how you express yourself and paint pictures with words. The only thing we’d ever seen you write was a thank you note…how much more there is to your ability. BTW, Paul said he’s send you some Marley recods to go with your medical MJ…don’t forget 2001 Space Odysee(sp?…it’s hell without spellchecker). You are right that the sun comes up new every day, and we are usually refreshed and our attitude is positive. Just keep remembering that when things get you down. And remember that all of us have you in our prayers and thoughts every day. Take care
    Love and hugs, Elna and George…


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